What My Unfinished Goals Have Taught Me
I have moments of ambition that come in waves. Maybe that’s not truly ambition? Sometimes I become completely consumed by an idea, feeling an overwhelming need to bring it to life and make it perfect. I invest time and money, do all the necessary research, and give it my all. I do tha dang thang! But sometimes, it doesn't work out, and I have to let it go.
For instance, during the height of the pandemic, I had the idea of starting a plus-sized boutique. I know, it was a rash decision, okay! I named it Curvy Bossy Cool. I registered as an LLC. I got a permit to buy clothes for wholesale pricing and then ordered some really cute ones! I created a website and designed a multi-page excel doc to track inventory. I rented office space, okay! I also sold my first piece (a super soft tye-dyed romper) to the property manager of said office space. I went all in. And then I never launched it.
Another idea I had was to convert a school bus into a tiny house and travel the country, teaching poetry workshops along the way. So, I brought a bus. Well, not that fast, I put a bus on layaway because that is a thing you can do (🤯). It took me about a year to pay it off and then I got to work converting it (check out a little of my skoolie journey on instagram). It was a lot of work, and I didn't finish it before moving in to save money. After two years of quarantining inside my tiny tin can, I was over it. While I often blame the pesky pandemic for preventing my dream as a traveling poet, the truth is the project was much bigger and required more time and money than I was willing to give.
I forgot that I added the sold tag to my bus insta! It was such a unique experience, and while it wasn’t for me, I have no regrets!
But now, I feel that my ambition is at its peak when it comes to my poetry career. I've always wanted to be a poet, even as a child. I loved writing poems and thought it would be great to get paid for them. Then I grew up and learned about capitalism and got a day job. Remember, during my skoolie era, I took a break from performing and writing poetry to work and save money for the bus conversion. But that one-year hiatus turned into six, and I went from a successful book tour and a great run on a slam team to having zero poetry in my life.
In the past year, I made a strong comeback. In fact, my 2023 bingo card had a few poetry related goals but more like one-offs. To perform poetry on stage again, submit poems for publication, and teach a writing workshop. And I did them all! And then, I just kept doing them and I found a community that hyped me up and helped me continue to develop and then I wanted to be the hyper-upper (go with it, friend). That's when I decided to rebrand the LLC I started for the boutique. I changed it from Women's Clothing Stores to Independent Artists, Writers, and Performers. I went all-in once again, and I'm still committed. It's been both scary and exciting, and I'm learning a lot about myself and my craft. Yet, there are moments when I doubt if I'm doing too much, if it will last, or if I can see it through to the end.
I didn’t get Bingo, but I’m still so happy about all I accomplished last year!
However, this time feels different. While writing may seem like a solitary act, I'm not alone in this journey. Yes, I’m the one handling all the backend tasks, such as creating writing prompts, tracking expenses, and designing promo content in Canva. BUT I have a really dope community that I’ve been able to lean on during these processes. People I can decompress with on a weekly basis, sharing our wins and losses, offering encouragement and advice. When I doubt my own ambitions, they remind me of my capabilities.
When I started writing this post, I wasn't sure of its purpose; I simply wanted to vent. But now I realize that it's a reminder of the importance of community in everything we do. Surrounding ourselves with people who cheer us on or simply hear us out can bring more joy to the things we work towards.
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